Thursday, March 20, 2014

First Kiss

Who was your first kiss? Was it a good kiss?

I saw this video earlier this week and it's lovely. But first, it made my stomach knot up, my chest tighten, and then I got teary.

Jonas was my first kiss.
It's kind of a funny story...

I was freshly 17 when we started dating and I was so determined to be kissed by the time I was 18. I didn't want to get to official adulthood and never have been kissed. Looking back, that seems awfully silly, and possibly dangerous of me, but it all worked out, and I can say I've only kissed one man in my life!

I actually set up our first kiss as an appointment. I can't remember exactly how we discussed whether or when we would kiss, but I finally dragged Jonas out of our art class one day, and we both knew what was up. So very awkward.

We went to the music building, which has a row of closet-sized rooms, each with 2 or 3 pianos jammed inside them. The doors have glass panels in the middle. We just stood in the middle of the room, hugging tightly for almost 45 minutes. I was so nervous. But determined. I had my head in his shoulder, and slowly inched my face closer over those long minutes. Really slowly. I was mad and confused that he was making no move to kiss ME,  but he said later that he could tell I was very nervous and he didn't want to make the first move and force me into something I didn't really want to be doing.

As I'm writing this, I looked over at him in bed next to me and asked him what he remembered about our first kiss. It made us both smile like fools. He said, "It felt like the best thing ever. We didn't really make out the first time, but it was sweet. It makes me want to kiss you now."

[This song is kind of awesome, and is definitely reminiscent of some of the stuff I listened to in high school, not so very long before I met Jonas.]

It's funny to think of not knowing HOW to kiss. And then funny again how into it you get at a certain point in a relationship (or maybe it's an age?). Like someone else's mouth is just way more fascinating and lovely than you could ever have imagined. I remember finally making the move and we kissed for the first time, but the second time we kissed, a few weeks later, stuck in my memory more. I remember being able to see eyelashes, and thinking of how those moments would be locked in my mind forever, in their own deep blue movie reel. Those kisses were delicious, tender, enchanting. It was as magical as movies make it.

As it turned out, I got my braces put on days after our first kiss. We didn't get the chance to kiss for the next few weeks, but I was petrified that it was because he didn't want to kiss me with braces on. I'm not a big crier, but I was crying in the orthodontist's chair when the braces were going on (mind you, I was 17, and the whole staff was trying to console me). Jonas said that I did cut his mouth sometimes, but I never found out until after my braces were off a year and a half later. What a sweet guy.

Funny how making out becomes less of a thing when you've been together for years. At least for us. I was talking with my friend Janae the other day, and we were laughing about how making out is much lower on the list of what we'd like to be doing with our spouses than it used to be. It's sad in a way, but when you live together, making out all the time just kind of feels like having your face slobbered. The impromptu real make-out seshes that still happen once in a blue moon are a treat, though.

I think we were gone for an hour for our first kiss (most of which was spent not kissing), and got a talking to when we got back to class after that very first kiss (this is college, btw, and our class had a lab so it wasn't unusual to slip out and get a snack or something). I remember I was wearing a pale pink fuzzy sweater that was too small for me, but so soft, and I kept it for a long time. I hope I still have it in a box of memorabilia somewhere (I have a problem with saving every possible significant thing), but I seem to recall that I gave it away upon forgetting the "importance" of it. I think I also made Jonas promise that neither of us would ever divulge details of our first kiss, but that was more than 5 years ago, and all these things are becoming sweet and funny stories that I like to relive and share. Plus, I got his permission to divulge this story. ;)

The piano rooms were the only semi-private place to go on campus, but one of the teachers used to walk by and glare through the window (we were standing up, in the middle of the room, totally tame!). Once, she even stopped us on the sidewalk and said something curt about the proper use of those rooms, and we especially didn't like her after that, but it also made us giggle.

There was a soda vending machine in the hallway, and we used stick our hands under the machine to find loose change and then get Squirt, which I mistakenly called Squish, so that then became a thing. Squish became one of our son Ishmael's first nicknames, in part due to that memory, several years later.

Here's a picture of us kissing at a special spot in Waller Park, 2 or 3 days before our wedding, which was on the 3rd anniversary of the beginning of our relationship, aka the first time Jonas told me he loved me, which was also by awkward appointment at the spot we're standing in this picture. But that's a story for another time....

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