Virtual Vacation: Curaçao

My mom has always wanted for our family to take the Orient Express from China, through Russia, to Europe. I don't think we were ever very close to doing it, but she did get excited when I went through a phase of obsession with the Czech Republic and tasked me with planning a trip there (oh, homeschooling). Being a freshman in high school at the time, I had very little idea of how to do something like that, and soon got quite frustrated and nothing ever came of it. But as generally goes with parenting (as I'm coming to realize), that sounds like a great idea to me, 8 years later! Well, at least the part about planning a dream trip. [above image]

So far, Jonas and I haven't made it outside of the U.S. since being married, and even the one out of state trip we made to Nebraska was more difficult than expected, with Ishmael in tow. Until we have better means of traveling as a family, I'd like to plan several of the trips from my arm chair at home.

The first destination I've picked is the island of Curaçao. When we lived in China, there was a woman from Curaçao who ran a restaurant called The Vine, whose head chef was also from Curaçao. Eating out was almost always too pricey for my family (with 5 kids on missionary support), but my mom would occasionally take me to the Vine and my favorite thing was this brown rice dish that would come as a side to the meat. I went looking for a recipe for that rice (assuming it was a Curaçao standard) the other day, and though I found nothing like it, I was enchanted with Curaçao in its own right.



Curaçao, situated just north of the Venezuelan coast, is one of the less touristy islands in the Caribbean because it has a thriving economy and therefore does not depend on entertaining visitors (source). One of the coolest things about Curaçao is all the Dutch influence, dating back to the 1600s when the Dutch first occupied the island, though the presence of both the Dutch, Spaniards, and French was not limited to architecture, but sadly fostered a large market for slaves between West Africa and America. As a result, there are many old plantations on the island. The range of cultural influences over the years is pretty incredible, including Lebanese refugees and a large Jewish population from the Netherlands (source). It seems like the perfect blend of man-made architecture and beaches of paradise. (images: 1, 2)

Travel: LAX to Curaçao, roundtrip/person, ~$600. Go in March to experience Carnival.

What I'd bring: With my ever-practical (lolz) fashion sense, I'd take a bunch of flowy Stella Jean inspired maxi dresses, sandals and a bright nail polish (because I have a lot of chances to paint my nails with a toddler), definitely a sun hat and sunscreen, a pool torpedo for my boys (definitely check it in your luggage), and Rafael Sabatini's "Chronicles of Captain Blood" - Curaçao has history with both the Spanish and pirates! - for the beach (forget reading on the plane with a baby). [See image credits here]

Where we'd stay: I like to spend my money on food, shopping, and experiences rather than nice hotels (most of the time...), so Air B&B is great for us. I thought this little place was the prefect mix of cheap (but not too cheap!) and comfy. It looks like the common rooms (kitchen, dining, etc.) are shared with other B&B customers which can be fun when traveling - my family was always meeting strange and wonderful people because of set ups like that in our travels. I'm happy about the pool too, because both my kid and my big kid (husband) will really appreciate it at the end of the day or if we decide to stay in one day.

What we'd eat:  I'm pretty excited about eating in Curaçao. We would definitely make a trip to the floating fruit market (image) and try something we'd never tried before, followed by the old market for lunch, perhaps of iguana soup. Although it may be just as cheap to eat out (I'm not sure), I usually like to cook a meal or two from scratch when traveling to keep costs down and just to relax at "home" for a bit (particularly breakfast before adventuring for the day!). I would love to try my hand at cooking some local fish. The other dish I am really excited to try is stuffed cheese, or "keshi yena" (image from link). Back in the days of slavery, the Dutch settlers would toss their leftover gouda and edam scraps, which the plantation cooks would salvage by rehydrating the cheese rinds and then stuffing them with whatever they had on hand. Sounds delicious, and I always respect creative and efficient recipes. And if I could find anyone who knew the chef from Urumqi, China, maybe I could even track down that rice recipe.

What to do/see: I would love to learn to scuba dive, but keeping the whole fam in mind, I think that a mini-sub dive would be amazing! Hopefully it doesn't cost an arm and a leg, but most likely it does, so we'd probably stick to snorkeling. Hiking trails and roaming around the more remote areas on a jeep safari doesn't sound like my ideal activity (although I would be interested to see an old plantation), but I can imagine the boys wanting to do that while I roam the town and buy stuff and take pictures. I wouldn't be a good mom if I didn't drag my kid to a museum on vacation, of which the Kura Hulanda museum looks the most interesting, I think, considering that it has exhibits on voodoo and burying people in cliffs. Experiencing Carnival would be pretty cool too - it's a huge mash up of cultural expression, costumes, dance, and parading. And food, I'll wager. [image]

In the mean time: So, what can we do to get a little taste of this amazing place until we get the chance to actually visit? Just a little Curaçao cocktail, of course. I've never tried Blue Curaçao before, but it sure looks yummy. This recipe for "lowcountry lemonade" calls for some, as wells as some peach schnapps and lemonade, of course. Another variation I saw on this cocktail called for some kiwi liqueur, which sounds tempting as well. If you happen to have that combination of ingredients, by all means, let me know...

Have you ever been to Curaçao? If so, I'd love to hear about it. Stay tuned for more Virtual Vacations to Iceland and Georgia (USA), to name only a few!

Stay-At-Home Survivor

My eyelids are heavy, but I can't go to bed yet. I'm finally mindlessly trolling the internet, all by myself, and this time must be cherished. I've been asking myself recently why I bother to blog, and there are a few things I come back to, but as it pertains to motherhood, one of the big ones is just a sort of therapy. I can be meandering in my delivery of my thoughts, both in writing and in person, but in the end, I like to feel as if I've thought through some things and at least cast off my burdens in the form of released thoughts. I call this "mom barf."

I've become a modern 50's-housewife without even realizing it. I cook, I clean, I watch the baby, I Pin stuff, I do the occasional shoddy DIY. Then, I blog about cooking, cleaning, baby watching, and my failed DIY. I dress up for church, I work my mind-numbing part-time job, and occasionally find myself with a new pair of shoes when I can no longer stay in the house with my wildly social child and resort to retail therapy for me, big-boy chair in public for him. He's pretty much destined for Broadway at this point.

Our typical day (when it's not my turn to go to work) goes something like this: Giggle and play time in Mama and Daddy's bed after everyone wakes up happy and rested. Ishmael plays by himself for a while as I deliberate whether to start a household chore I know I won't have time to complete or check Pinterest. I love the days where Jonas and I are home at the same time because we can actually accomplish something. Next in our day, we go on an outing, whether that's a long walk, a trip to the pet store in the mall, farmer's market, or errands. Then, nap time. Then, he eats a whole banana. Mommy is on the brink of insanity until dinner, Squish plays with the mirror and starts to be pleasant again. Bath time, story time. Dad gets home, which is Ishmael's favorite. Mom gets sucked into staying up late to do her own thing, and is so exhausted the next day. Repeat. This is "Stay-At-Home Survivor", and Ishmael gets voted off the Island at 8:30, his bed time. I try and not get voted off by him during the day.

I'm both thankful for and sick of the affects of the feminist movement. The young wives I know, particularly those who already have a child, are in the feminist backlash of actually loving the stay-at-home routine. In fact, it's a status symbol and a luxury to be homey again (even if most of us are part of the workforce too, in one way or another). And I know there is some amazing connection to be made between yesterday's tupperware parties and today's blogging (or internet presence), but I can't quite formulate it correctly. At the same time, I think all moms want to feel important and like they're contributing to society and making a difference above and beyond rearing their children, and as frowned upon as that can be in some circles, I think it's a legitimate and God-given desire.

When I'm home alone in the evening (Jonas works night shifts sometimes), I feel a manic hyena laugh bubbling up in me when I think about trying to plan ahead in my life right now, or perhaps ever again. I frequently get an urge to write enormous slogans in red letters on my living room walls because that's how badly I need to be reminded of some really basic things on a daily basis. I've considered, "this too shall pass," "day by day, bird by bird, blow by blow," or perhaps even "you are a good mom."

I get really fired up when I look at the class line-up for finishing my degree (Middle Eastern Studies), but then I remember that I work and have a baby (and won't wait too long to have another) and want to still have fun, meaningful other stuff in my life. When I tally up all the things I'm trying to do and want to do and think I should be doing, I feel like I'm going to have a seizure. Or at least lay down on the floor and not get up until someone brings me ice cream. I think it was Anne Lamott who said "parenthood is like having a terminal illness, in a good way." That feels especially true when I start talking with other people and realizing how crazy I'm becoming in my isolation from my peers who are still busy playing beer pong and forming bands and my desperation to feel like I matter on the basis of my own skills. I'm so irritated that I feel the need to qualify that statement every time I say it by explaining that I do think motherhood and wifedom are worthy pursuits. I was so encouraged that my mom, who is the ultimate stay at home mom in favor of giving your all to your household (and we loved her for it) totally got it and cut me off from making further excuses when I expressed a desire to matter beyond my familial duties (joyous as they are; here I go again).

The entire scale of what I consider life has shrunk considerably since becoming a mom (which is not always bad). I am often frustrated, feeling like I simply can't DO things (because of having to do everything in 2 minute spurts as I keep Ishmael from various perilous deaths), but in the moments where I come to terms with that, I sure love that boy's smile.

We actually go shopping a lot, because it helps us get through the week, but it's not like I have a high paying job. Retail therapy has hit a whole new level of simultaneous necessity and impracticality in my life, and as someone brilliant once said, "If you think money can't buy happiness, you don't know where to shop." However, in my defense, we still accomplish being out and about and not having tantrums (both of us) even if we don't buy stuff and I mostly get home with kid's books from Goodwill, so I feel like that's a worthy investment. That, or shoes.

Ishmael stays pretty happy when I take him shopping because he likes to look around and be on the move. And he's crazy talented at smiling HUGELY right at the moment when strangers say, "he is so cute." Then they shriek in joy. He commands an adoring public. Jonas actually hates it when people "intrude" to comment on or engage with Ishmael, but as with being pregnant, I happen to totally love this new world of everyone being connected through shared experiences of parenthood. Ishmael brings smiles to people who would never have looked at me twice on my own (and I'm not saying that self-deprecatingly), and I love that he's a doorway into comradery like that.


Thanks be to God, Ishmael and I are friends now. I was giving up hope in months 3 to 6, but we're currently on the same page with liking each other, even when we don't go shopping. Cool. I need one of those good day/bad day rocks to flip over depending on our daily friendliness level or a Lilo and Stitch chart of "this is your badness level today. It's unusually high for someone your size." It would only be fair for him to have one of me too, though I have a lot of potential for bad-mom-ness because I got the tall genes from my dad's side of the family and therefor my outline has a lot of space for badness levels. [image]

I am becoming a tiny-chore ninja: Fold laundry for 10 minutes. Clean one surface. Put half the laundry away. Sweep under one chair. Chop a cucumber. It's incredible how little I can get done now and still consider my day productive. Parenthood should be subtitled, "a massive adjustment in expectations" (among other much more wonderful things, of course). Oh, and I forgot to mention the finding a new toy, picking up the baby, or taking him on a 1 minute walk that goes between each of those things. It's like living with someone with bipolar disorder. One moment, you look over and he's grinning like a mad man. the next moment, you hear a wail, turn around, and he's face down on the other side of the room. Whaaaat?

Indeed, he's learning to crawl (mostly towards wires and people's toes) and has already accomplished the obligatory tumble off our bed, and I have resorted to drinking coffee multiple times a week, for the first time in my life. Not international moves, nor college finals, nor wedding planning ever moved me to take it up before.

Never the less, I've learned a trick or two. Such as this ultimate play time set up. Let me just explain this, in case your child can sit, but not crawl yet (alas, that only lasts for a short time and so this set up is already outdated for Ishmael). It's kind of like "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie", but instead, if you sit your baby down on a blanket..., he will probably need some cushions and blankets around him to soften the fall if he tumbles over. As he attempts not to fall over, he will realize that he'd like to be entertained, and you should introduce a mirror for his enjoyment along with one or two toys (not too many or he'll hate them all). Once he sees the mirror, he will want to meet himself, so be sure to put a little blanket at the foot of the mirror to soften the blow of lunging into it. When you see the multiplied sunshine in the mirror, you will realize that you should probably get an umbrella to keep your child from getting sunburned. When he sees the umbrella, he will realize it's his greatest desire to hold on to the handle and constantly move it from shadowing him in any way. When you realize the futility of your perfect mom-ideas, you will just have to be happy that he's happy, and leave it at that.

Every time you feel like you finally have the hang of something (like this set up), it's bound to change. Babies don't really form habits like adults do. And they can break habits much more quickly too. It makes me feel a little bit like being a deep sea diver - every day when I put my feet down over the edge of my bed, I'm plunging into a whole new dimension of the unknown since yesterday's unknown which I may or may not have conquered the day before. But it's breathtakingly deep blue beauty, in the midst of the terror.

It sort of mortifies me that moms with grown children are still giving me that "knowing look" that makes me panic deep down. Like they know a hilarious secret as I'm here trying to tell myself the trials of parenthood are just a phase. Like they know how big the iceberg really is. I don't exactly find it discouraging, but in light of mother's day and the way parenthood is a part of the rest of my life, I start thinking of what Jad Abumrad from Radiolab said about our actual influence as parents being only "a blip in a very, very long story." I make myself out to be such an integral part of Ishmael's life, and in a way I am, but ultimately, he will become an independent man and what is my life's work will be but a puzzle piece in the picture of his being.

As we approach this weekend, I'm rolling my eyes at all the anti/alternate views of Mother's Day floating around. It's like Valentine's Day haters got bored of raging against those of us who are in relationships. Celebrating mothers doesn't subliminally say that women without kids aren't worth celebrating. How about you just let me enjoy the things I've done right in peace, ok? It doesn't mean you've failed your life if you don't have a kid or a spouse, but I feel like I've scored in my life because I do. So I will accept presents and extra love, ok-ok? I'm tired of reading stuff that makes me feel suddenly guilty for something I don't need to feel guilty about. Sometimes it feels like I'm barely holding my "poo-poo" together, despite my friends and family who are very supportive and take Ishmael from me whenever I need a break. But Ishmael Azure Rajan, there is nothing on God's green earth that I'd rather be than your mama.

Sharing My "Name"

This doesn't happen to me very often any more, but on occasion, I am thrown into a bubble, away from reality, by music. Almost a trance. I was jotting down notes about it when it happened the other day, and thought I would share. If you get it, you get it on a really core level. If you don't, I'm afraid I sound far crazier than you'd previously imagined. And if you're in the latter camp, I'm at least kind of on your side.

I spent almost an hour thinking about how much I don't like the band Iron and Wine. Somewhat inexplicably. I don't dislike the artist as a person or dislike the music on some principal level, but I feel like it is the most generic indie folk music that you could possibly create. The words are fine, but the arrangements and the droniness of his voice just bug me to such a degree that I think that if I was at a party and an Iron and Wine song came on, I would want to smash my punch cup to smithereens on the ground (or crumple the paper cup, more likely). I can't think of any other band that I so dislike.

Usually, I have that intense of a reaction to a song or band because I love it. Sometimes I love a song so much that I become jealous of other people hearing it. It means so much to me for one reason or another that I don't want someone who does not fully appreciate it to mar it by playing it with the wrong attitude or devalue it by overplaying it or do anything but fall into a grave of love for 3 minutes and 39 seconds. I know that sounds really pretentious, but maybe it makes sense if you've ever felt that reverent connection with a piece of music too. In my review of April post, I mentioned this song, which is the first in a while to push me into that "grave of love", and brought many of these old feelings of connection with music to the surface. It does pain me a little bit to share it here, but I'll explain in a minute why I do share it. But please, try and be in appropriate awe. Listening on headphones is best.



I used to work myself into a very dark mood when I would hear my sister Annelise playing something on repeat that I held dear. Somehow I felt like she couldn't love it the way that I did, and I didn't want to share intimacy I had found with a song, even though it was by no means mine, in any literal sense. Once, I heard the Goo Goo Doll's song "Name" over the store speakers while shopping at Ross and just about lost my mind over the injustice of any old person off the street being able to hear that song, thereby defiling a section of my soul. Somehow I'd thought that it was just for me and I was so tied to it that probably no one else even knew about it. It was just one of those small (by which I mean huge) injustices of the human existence.
Equal in the level of heinousness as taking the most incredible pastry you've ever eaten and having it decorated birthday-cake style at Walmart or something. If such a thing exists. Sorry if that's totally offensive and/or doesn't make any sense.



I used to feel the same way about seeing a particularly stunning view of the ocean or a patch of starry sky or some other such gem that I could either choose to cherish in my own private moment of awe, or, as I came to realize, share with someone I love. As I've grown older (and maybe marriage has something to do with it too), I almost always choose to share things now instead of keep them to myself. Even if someone is irreverent toward a piece of art that I value highly, my own experience with it is still my possession and I don't have to be upset with someone else not seeing it's full value - I am still appreciating its worthiness enough to confirm how extraordinary it is.

Back in the day, making a mix tape for someone was an act of sincere love on my part, which took me hours, and I would write out what I loved about each song to share with my loved one. In my mind, it became as precious as the wisemen's gifts to Jesus. How can I even describe the intensity of that kind of connection to a song? It reminds me of the manic scratching of a phantom itch to the point of rawness. It is ingrained deep in your veins, and you're its captive until the song and its aura have ended, the cloud has passed over, and the spell is broken.

While I was at work the other day, listening to "Name" and thinking all of these thoughts, I wrote, "If I got fired from my job right now for not being able to hear anything people are saying to me because I'm listening to the Goo Goo Dolls with both earphones in, I wouldn't even care. 'Cause Jonas and Ishmael and I would be fine on the streets as long as our iPod was charged." It makes me reckless to my core. I'm built on these songs in corners of my life.

I've become so boring and stable since high school. Jonas kind of looks at me skeptically when I tell him I was kinda-goth, definitely-emo. But I am worlds happier now, and I'd rather share what I love and run the risk of someone dismissing it than keep it all to myself and spiral into insane cat-lady-dom, humming popular songs to myself and attacking anyone else who happens to know the same song .

If you're willing to share, what songs have affected you deeply? Do you have your own theme song?

April In Review

First, I wanted to just take a minute and explain some new features here on the blog. I was hanging out with my friend Kenna (the amazing Miss Party Mom, check out her great blog) and getting all excited to have a friend near by who's in to blogging too. To make a rambling story short, I'm trying to spruce things up on the blog, as always (still in search of that elusive perfect header!), but for now I've added a few ways to make it easier to follow along, if you are so inclined. To the right, you'll see a box that says "follow by email" - just drop your email address in there, and you'll get an email every time I've written a new post! Or, if you are in the habit of reading multiple blogs already, maybe you have bloglovin'. If you want to click on my bloglovin' button and follow me, you'll get updates from my blog along with all the other blogs you like. One last thing you may or may not have noticed, I'm having a difficult time figuring out how to categorize my blog posts by topic. I will probably continue to shuffle that around for a while, as I nail down what I want to focus on in my writing and what to call all those focuses. As always, thanks for sticking with me!

Oh, and word to the wise, if you want a huge spike in site visitors, include photos or references to Kim Kardashian (I want to throw up). But see what I did there?

On to the April happs...

Best Movie: You've probably realized by now, I'm mostly only watching movies with my limited watching-movie time that I'm pretty sure will be good. So basically, I end up endorsing something everyone already knows is worth watching. So/but, if you haven't seen Argo yet, DO IT. Jonas was literally on the edge of his seat, and it's saying something if both of us liked the same movie. It was very thought provoking for me as well, as I gear up to go back to school for Middle Eastern Studies. Totally unrelated, Jonas and I started watching an anime show called "Sword Art Online" which has an interesting premise, though I so, so would never have imagined myself watching it 5 years ago. Basically, the characters take part in a video game of sorts where they wear electronic suits that make them physically part of the game. Come to find out, the writer of the game locks them in until they beat the game (100 levels), and if you die in the game, you die in real life. Again, I'm almost embarrassed that I'm watching it, but I do find it interesting.

Best Book: You guys, I finished a book! Best book because it's the only book, but hey... it's kind of a big deal at this stage in my life. I bought Ghosts By Daylight by Janine di Giovanni after reading an excerpt in Vogue several years back, but as it often goes with me, I was less impressed now than I was then. It was still a pretty interesting book. Di Giovanni and her eventual husband were both war correspondents in the 90s (the story talks most about their brutal time in Sarajevo, Bosnia), which required tremendous bravery, but left them both with varying degrees of PTSD, which of course complicated their life once they started a family. It's a wild love story between broken people, and a tender one for a child. It made me ask one of those impossible and depressing "would you rather" questions: would it be better to have a stable but mundane love, or a rapturous but fleeting one?

Best Music: In short, James Blake's "Our Love Comes Back In The Middle of the Night" was the best, but it became part of it's very own post, so I'm going to write about that later and leave you with this song instead. Swedish musicians, ftw (notice free download). I also really enjoyed Fe's "Let It Go." Shout out to this blog, where I learn of a lot of these more obscure artists.
 

Best Recipe: I hit the jackpot in new recipes this month. If I'd make it again, I pin it on this board, but the really outstanding favorites were Almond Parmesan Orzo, these SUPER easy and delicious Spicy Thai Noodles, Shrimp Fettuccine Alfredo, and Jonas' specialty, Char Siu Pork.

Best of the Web:

• Article on that troublingly untrue "statement", "God won't give you more than you can handle". It came up on my FB feed the exact same day where I had just started to realize that I didn't think that was true, but didn't know what to think about that realization. 
• I don't even know what this format of humor is called, but if you're a TCK, there's finally one for you. 
• A beautiful photo blog of "mom-topics", Spilled Milk. 
• And of course, we need a picture! Love this textured abstract painting by Mark Lovejoy.

April's Calendar:

• Jonas' brother Jordan moved away to Oregon, our first sibling to move out of state. We miss him!
• A dear friend of the Tucker family, Doug Murch, went to be with Jesus after a very short battle with cancer on the 17th. It's been a sad time for us, but Doug's life continues to inspire us to live fully, as he did, and we know that he is experiencing such joy now!
• More race-fueled violence in my old home region of Xinjiang, China. I don't know how to comment on it. Here's an article. 
• April 30th marks 2 years since Jonas and I got engaged. I should write out the story sometime - it's so much more "real life" than the movies, in a kind of endearing way, to me.
• I planted a watermelon! I hope it grows. :) 

Ishmael's 6th Month: 6 months seems like a big deal. He's already so different than he was as a newborn. He can be very whiny and pitches a fit if you take something away from him, but we haven't started spanking or anything yet (just firm "no"s). His sleep schedule isn't the greatest at night, but if nothing else, I've learned that "patterns" can change in a single day, so never despair! For all the harder things that come with him being older, there are as many sweet things. He's so excited about solid foods, really laughs now (Jonas can make him laugh more than anyone), babbles away to himself and anyone who will listen, can get on all fours (but not crawl quite yet), and sticks his tiny pointy tongue out when he smiles. He loves to watch cars and will pull himself up in his stroller "like a gopher" (according to Jonas) to be closer to everything that's going on. He twists around whenever you wish he'd sit still, and can stay standing for quite a while if you prop him up. If you hold his arms, he'll stand on his big toes - some pretty incredible ballet! He went through a few days of blowing hilarious raspberries, and he can say "mama", though not with understanding. AND he's graduated to sitting in the grocery cart "baby box" (like right next to where you push the car) like a big boy. 

April Love List: Orange blossoms, feather dusters, T.J. Maxx, and putting cherries on ice cream.

So excited for what's in the works for May. Stay tuned! 

Mom Jeans

I just saw this (above) on a stand at the checkout line and it made me giggle. Oh, Kim. On the one hand, she is such a diva. On the other, I hear ya, girl. Weight gain (I weighed near to 150% of my original weight when I was checked in to the hospital to have Ishmael) during pregnancy and then dealing with my changed body post-pregnancy was much more drastic than I had anticipated. [image]

Ishmael will be 6 months old in two days though, and I'm relieved that I'm feeling mostly back to my normal shape. My goal was to fit into the pink leopard jeans I bought when I was pregnant. I definitely did not fit into them when I was pregnant. I hated seeing cute clothes and not being able to buy them because I had no idea what my body would be doing down the road, but it probably saved me a lot of money. I call them my "mom jeans" and I pretty much got cat called by a biker gang today because of them. I totally ignored those guys, but I can't say it didn't make me feel a little bit good inside. I decided to take some pictures for you, complete with my incredibly impractical wedding reception heels, that may or may not make this outfit look like a hooker's. But I like them. And Ishmael does too, from within his prison. I mean, come on, they even have skull rivets. AND were the one and only pair on clearance when I bought them. They're kind of an all around triumph for me.

My friend Kara wrote a good (and amusing) post on what (and what not) to wear post-pregnancy.
Don't worry, Kim, someday you'll feel sexy again. And I hope that someday you find a guy who says you're sexy when you're pregnant too. 

Cage Veils vs. Flower Crowns

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Floral Crowns

Flowers in the hair is so romantic, but it definitely gives a "frolicking through a field" feel at times, and too often I think the floral crowns are over-done and dwarf the face.

Cage Veils

I think these are so elegant, but they are becoming kind of cliche. Plus, they don't look very good on me, so that's probably a major reason why I'm willing to see this fad move on.

Bonus points if you did or plan to wear a "Hippie Jewel Headband." They've had a blip of popularity, but I can't say it's a look that I'm really into.

What's Your Take?
	I can't wait to wear my cage veil, who cares about fads?
	I'm a flowers-in-my-hair kinda girl.
	HIPPIE JEWEL CROWN!!!
	I wore a fabric veil.
	I didn't wear anything on my head.
	You still haven't made a button that covers my answer.
pollcode.com free polls

Images: 1, 2

A Good Day

I had a fun time with Ishmael, [almost] all day, all by ourselves, and that is a glorious feat worth blogging about. He's been so chatty and smiley the past two or three days, always sticking out his tiny pointy tongue when he grins. He played nicely on the floor and in his playpen all morning while I cleaned up around the house. I even manhandled the broken garbage disposal, and totally fixed it! Ok, I was being coached over the phone, and I broke my only wooden spoon in the process, but still. It made me feel like this [source]:

After his nap, we took a walk to the mall. On our way, we picked up the mail, including our Federal tax return. BOOYA. Then we cruised the new and improved pet store with lots of teeny (some almost newborn!) mice and precious puppies, which he enjoyed looking at. He did start to loose his cool a little bit at the $1 book store, but I was okay with it because I found 2 hardbound volumes of Horatio Hornblower stories and a signed copy of William Steig's "Dr. De Soto Goes to Africa" (which may or may not be rare since he passed away 10 years ago). Somewhere down the road, I'll be writing a post of my favorite children's books for Ishmael, and Steig's work will definitely feature prominently.

If you aren't familiar with Horatio Hornblower (I've never read the books, myself), definitely get your hands on the film adaptation if you get a chance. My family was crazy about that series back in the day (not least, on my part, because Ioan Gruffudd is handsome AND Welsh). We finished off the evening by making Kimbap (isn't it pretty?), accompanied by the "Motown Makes Babies Smarter" playlist that my brother Jonathan made for Ishmael, and the administration of the greater part of a banana, some of which made it into his mouth.

Paint Swatch: Icicle & Neon Coral

My friend Jessa, who knows a thing or two about design trends, thinks that pastels will come back into style in home decorating after the jewel tones (which I whole-heartedly love) have worn themselves out. When we have to move some day (which I utterly dread), I think this pale grey-blue may be destined for some walls in my home. I call it "icicle" because it's not robin's egg, it's not grey, it's... like ice! I first started admiring it on the hallway walls in the show 666 Park Avenue. As for neon coral, I think the neon craze will be over by moving time, but I have been loving my pinks lately, and I can't imagine a day where I don't feel the urge to punch up any sophisticated corners of our abode with some wacky color accents. I'm trying to convince Jonas to let me spray-paint our one wooden dining chair this color. I made these two color story boards on Polyvore a while back (see here and here for product info), then realized I'd pinned this bedroom twice, and suddenly it seemed that I should share them together, rather than separately as I had previously planned. Also, I want those blue earrings and those pink shoes. Would you ever pair pastels and neon?

8 [Non-Extreme] Ways to Feed Your Child Healthily

I have more or less rolled my eyes at the organic food movement since I became aware of it. I am a girl that believes in science and loves her real (salted) butter. I also eat cookies that I drop on the sidewalk. And I'm irritated by people who make eating this or that (or not eating this or that, more precisely) into a religiously dogmatic trend. 

In America, I think food can be an opiate of the masses. We are very privileged in the available range and cost of our food, but it can end up costing us more than our cash. Now that I have a child's body and future to care for, I suddenly care and think hi-fructose corn syrup is highly suspicious. I call the struggle to find "good" food to raise a family on "the Mamavore's Dilemma" (though that sounds like I only eat mamas, right?). Below I am going to run through why I finally think this is important and how not to suck at eating healthily. You may have heard most of it before, but I hope there's some gravity in hearing it from someone who isn't a health nut. I used to feel so defeated at the thought of how much energy it would take to comb over every box label, drive out into the fields to get groceries, etc. But if you're not coo-coo about it, it's actually not as hard as it sounds. And to me, any learning curve is worth it when I imagine Ishmael stricken with diseases caused by the unexamined foods I carelessly gave him as a child. 

1. Choose Organic. I don't want to scare you away with this being number one, so let me preface some later points by saying I'm far from adopting an entirely organic diet. However, I do think this is a fundamental issue that, if ignored, renders most of my other points useless. The growing consensus seems to be that the process of growing organic products is actually worse for the environment than conventionally grown products, but I think there is also growing evidence to suggest that the presence of GMOs in our food is a leading contributor to the escalating numbers of allergies and intolerances (gluten, anyone?). The more unnatural stuff we put in our bodies, the more we handicap our bodies from being able to function as they were made to. 

2. Shop Local. When you're closer to the source, there is less opportunity for your food to be messed with by the time it reaches us. Less freezing, less preserving, and perhaps more opportunity for you to observe the entire growing process and be aware of what factors influence your produce. Depending on where you live, it can be pretty hard to get food straight from the source. Here in Santa Maria, there aren't a lot of options for raw dairy or meat bred and butchered nearby. In fact, I heard that Santa Barbara county is in the top 1% of food producing areas in the U.S., but we export 98% of what we grow!  I'm delighted by the fact that fusion cuisine (which can be the ultimate example of non-local food) was invented in California and I can finally point to an "American" food, but it's a total luxury.

3. Cook In Season. As depressing as it can be to find the diversity we're used to on a local level, the Central Coast has a thriving farmer's market scene, which enables us to buy produce that's in season and often locally grown as well. Whatever is in season tends to taste the best too! Here is a list of farmer's markets on the Central Coast. The Santa Maria market is especially well priced. There are also community gardens and co-ops that I haven't looked into as much. Sometimes I want herbs that aren't in season, and at least in California, it's not too hard to grow them indoors, I don't think. Which leads us to the next point...

4. DIY. For some, growing your own food is an option. That's a step beyond where I'm at right now, but I think I will get there some day. One thing to be careful of, if you do decide to plant some stuff, is to get non-modified seeds! Another thing I haven't tried, but know is a possibility, is making your own yogurt from a starter. My parents used to make their own cheese as well. If you can find raw dairy to begin with, that could be a more healthy option than buying dairy products from the grocery store (because the animals that produce that dairy are most likely being fed GM foods, which alters what they produce). Some people even raise their own chickens, but chickens are repulsive to me, so if I ever end up doing that, it will have to be in a living situation in which I can put them far away from the house. One thing I do really like to do is make my own snacks (which handily avoids preservatives!) like lox, kimchi, and hopefully beef jerky, soon. The list is endless on this one - I'm thankful that I enjoy cooking. 

5. Substitute. It takes longer, but cooking from scratch tastes better and is better for you. I'm starting to look into what ingredients (even when cooking from scratch) I can switch out for healthier things that I don't use yet. We decided not to feed Ishmael rice cereal, for example, because it's seeming more and more likely that beginning processed foods at such a young age predispositions the palette for less healthy things later on, like white bread as opposed to whole grains, etc. I do like whole grain breads, but so far I can't bare to make all my smothered-in-fat pastas with whole-wheat noodles. And those green spinach noodles in the multi-colored pasta blends are deplorable. Again, I'm only just starting to research these things myself, but it seems like Agave nectar might be a more healthy sweetener than refined sugar (or even honey, since honey is made by bees who may be pollinated by GM plants). Have you used it? What did you think?

6. Be Informed. A quick Google search informed me that a 9 in front of produce sticker codes means the item is organic (no GMOs). Here is an explanation of what all the numbers mean. I was looking that up because I was so excited to find some miniature bananas for my miniature human at an outdoor Mexican market, but to my dismay, they were run-of-the-mill bananas. Which goes to show that not everything at a farmer's market or other less supermarket-y setting is different than the rest (I made them into a headdress for him instead, and Jonas and I ate them Thai-dessert style). Another easy step is to be aware of the most commonly modified foods, but this list makes me sad. I love my edemame, zucchini, and dairy products. 

7. Meal-Time Habits. At this point, my household doesn't have weight issues, but we do have to be intentional about limiting our sugar intake, for one thing. Forget about a sweet tooth, my husband has a sweet jaw! And somewhere between pregnancy cravings and the habit osmosis that happens in marriage, I too have acquired the need for a sugar fix after almost every meal. This is a problem, my kittens. I've talked before about not wanting to throw around the term "addiction", but when I find myself feeling as if I need sugar, for example, and can't focus on anything else until I have some, I think there's a problem with my habits. I know other people struggle with this when it comes to caffeine. For the record, I think energy drinks are of the devil and they aren't allowed in my home. 

Sugar intake is a self-control issue for both Jonas and I now that we buy our own groceries. I'm privileged to have come from a home where my mom cooked us healthy food from scratch 3 meals a day, but it does make one go crazy in the junk food isle later in life. Oh, how I used to pine over the marshmallows in Erica Jensen's lunchbox in second grade. Instead of marshmallows, my mother made me french onion soup and put it in a plastic canteen that never quite relinquished the smell.

Here are some habits that we have (or will try to) incorporate:

• Regular meal times; Jonas and I still have our teenage metabolisms, so sometimes we won't eat much for several days and then eat a TON all at once, but that's not very good for you and is definitely not a good practice to teach children. 
• Portion control; related to the above, it's better to eat several small meals throughout the day than over-eat at any one given time. 
• Don't reward with food; for both children and adults, food shouldn't be used as positive or negative reinforcement. Good eating habits should be maintained, regardless of other behavior. And just to clarify, rewarding does not equal indulging, which I whole-heartedly believe in on occasion. 
• Set quantifiable goals for "bad" foods; X amount of fast food, candy, soda, chips, etc. per X amount of time. 
• Don't add salt or sugar to baby food. 

8. Moderation. The key to healthy (and happy) eating is moderation. Healthy eating can become an obsession in its own right (at which point it's no longer healthy, obvs.). I mean, come one, who are we kidding that kale is always gonna do the trick when what you really want is pasta and shrimp swimming in cream sauce? Diets don't work well because you're denying your body something it actually needs, be it fat or sugar or what have you. You only get one life to live, and sometimes you've gotta just love the junk for it's delicious junkyness. And not to be a downer, but you probably can't get away from all "bad" food, even if you tried. 

Well, that's what I've determined thus far for my own family, but on a related note, this excellent discussion about obesity (worth 40 minutes of your time, especially to liven up a commute or some housework!) in the US gives some good insight and ideas about eating healthily in this glorious land of finger-lickin' goodness, too. 

Good luck, and don't eat all the butter without me. 

Marbling vs. Ombre

Marbling




This is fresh in that I haven't seen anyone do it in real life yet. And I really like it. And want some marbleized stuff in my house. This is definitely a trend that's come back from the 70s (?), but the colors are brighter now and I feel like it's "new again." And if Stella McCartney does it, I'm there.

Ombre

I know, you don't want to be my friend anymore. I still think ombre looks great (particularly indigo on denim!), but it's become the default way to spruce anything up - walls, fingernails, spoons, tshirts, hair, you name it. I'm kind of impressed that it caught on so dramatically too, because it seems to me to be hard to actually make look good. I know it's gonna be around for a while longer still, so I'll just say I support the smooth ombre over the blocked ombres. Another reason to move on is the embarrassment that occurs when you try and talk about it and everyone pronounces it differently.

Marbling vs. Ombre
	Broken hearted.
	I've seen the light!
	I'm over ombre, but not into marbling.
pollcode.com free polls

Images: 1, 2

Precariously In Vogue

I have a long-historied love affair with fashion magazines. My mom never had any around, so it definitely took effort on my part to bring them into my hands. I would desperately want to rip pages out when I found a stash in someones' home, and I often do if it's in a doctor's office or some other waiting room. I used to be (ahem, still am) so delighted when people would give me their back issues. I still have pages of the September 2006 issue with Kirsten Dunst as Marie Antoinette that my great grandma Peggy gave to me. In fact, I've saved the notebooks I filled with clippings from countless torn up glossies. When we lived in China, I bought a stack of old issues of InStyle from a cafe in Tian Jian for 40 yuan, which felt like a lot, but was totally worth it.

But this relationship is not without its difficulties. I subscribed to Vogue for a year because it quickly became more cost efficient than buying even 3 or 4 single issues throughout the year. Individual issues are very hit and miss to me, but the more I saw, the more a certain issue stuck out and began to bug me. I don't know the academic term for it (white supremacy? no, globalization?, no, exploitation? perhaps), but I feel like the habit of models swathed in riches plopped into ethnic scenarios as a stylistic setting is insensitive. Take these two photos, one from 1956 (Vogue?) and one from September 2011.

Ok, so it annoys me too when white 20-somethings go on and on about how the West is ruining everything, but seriously, let's just analyze these photos for a moment. I know the 50s were a different time, but this picture (left) just screams, "I am a beautiful, rich, white person using this exotic landscape [and man] to show off my status." On the right, we've fallen to using identically dressed factory workers as a pattern to contrast miss Kloss's impressive figure (and butt-ugly clothing, if I may say so). Maybe I'm over reacting, but it really seems like a habit of Vogue's. Maybe Anna Wintour needs to travel more or something and get a dose of reality. I almost wrote Vogue a letter explaining why I thought this (photo on right) was in poor taste, but after reading the actual article, I thought it was interesting and treated China with respect (even if it did depict only the minuscule percent of the population that is well off), so I refrained.

Again, maybe this isn't worth griping about, except I've never heard anyone criticize it. My sample group of fashion spreads are largely from American Vogue, but I can say that I've noticed this trend in styling less in other magazines, of which I see a fair amount online. To me, there's nothing wrong with being rich or taking enjoyment from fine clothes and other belongings, but I find it disrespectful to juxtapose world cultures (often impoverished ones) with extreme materialism. To Vogue's credit, the factory workers do look like they're enjoying themselves, and for all I know, they were paid for their time, but it still doesn't sit right to me.

In large part because of this issue, I've migrated away from reading/looking at Vogue so much, and I actually enjoy Elle a lot for their more accessible (and dare I say affordable) take on fashion (though their editorials, and perhaps even the quality and subject matter of their articles, can not compare!). But when all is said and done, I mean, April 2013 US Elle's cover girl was Nicki Minaj, and Vogue's was Michelle Obama. That pretty much says it all. I just wish I could have the acessability and lack of ethnic-exploitation of Elle with the images and prestige of Vogue.

And while I'm whining about fashion, I want to complain about Karlie Kloss; maybe I'm just jealous of her wild success, but I just don't find her that incredible. And she looks so smug. Can we have Agyness Deyn back, please?

Images: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

The Pot Odds of the Existence of God

First, put your headphones on and start this... 

According to Wikipedia, "In poker, pot odds are the ratio of the current size of the pot to the cost of a contemplated call. Pot odds are often compared to the probability of winning a hand with a future card in order to estimate the call's expected value."

I was learning about some poker strategies when listening to Radiolab today. For reasons that I won't get into, playing competitive poker can be lucrative as long as you win 1 in every 4 games (basically you make enough in the 4th game to break even, even if you lost your buy-in money from the previous 3 games). So taking your chances with the possibility of losing has a higher pay off than not taking your chances and definitely not winning. Which is "duh" logic, but not always smart when it comes to gambling. 

This logic bled into an idea about God that I thought I had figured out on my own, but apparently Blaise Pascal beat me to (which didn't make me feel too shabby, actually, but Jonas says everyone already knows this "theory"). In essence, he wanted to use math to explain faith, which isn't very romantic, perhaps not even "faith", but, I'm getting ahead of myself. 

Let us start with the premise that the existence of God is scientifically unable to be proven, and furthermore that God doesn't make sense. He can't be explained by human logic, and we do not generally accept that something can come from nothing in nature. On some level, only faith can allow you to accept the Bible's account of the way things are. 

I believe in the existence of God, and in Christ as my savior, but I also think there is a scientific chance that I could live my life on a false premise. There's no way to prove or disprove that God is real and that there is a Heaven or a Hell, and I've wondered before what it would be like to find out at the end that it was all made up. I don't believe that will happen, but Pascal's reasoning makes it okay, even if that were to happen. 

Basically, if I believe in God and it turns out to all be real, the payoff is infinitely good. If I had chosen not to believe and God turned out to be real, the consequences would be infinitely terrible. If I chose to believe or disbelieve and God wasn't real, I've lost nothing. To me, the pot-odds for the existence of God make believing the most obvious and worthy gamble imaginable. 

I wouldn't say that poker logic is why I believe in God, but I do think it provides logic in an illogical situation. 

Image by Philipp Igumnov

March Madness

March was indeed mad, and I'm not talking about basketball. My calendar for the spring and summer has started to fill up with lots of fun stuff, but it also makes me feel like I'm always running to catch up. Sometimes I feel like adulthood is crushing me, even when it's a priority of mine to "stop the glorification of busy." Our extended family has been struggling with some significant health issues, and some other big changes as well, so that has all been on my heart during March.

Best Movie: I watched two Ryan Gosling movies (shhh), both great in different ways. "Blue Valentine", which I saw first, had me crying into my pillow for about 3 days and I can't say I really recommend it (if you do watch it, there's a lot of language and sex, consider yourself warned), but it was done incredibly. It's the story of a crumbling marriage, interrupted by memories from when the couple's love was stronger, and it's so accurate in some ways, but then crushing to see people who don't have Christ to turn to in their struggles. Next, I watched "Lars and the Real Girl" which I can highly recommend. The premise may scare you, but it's actually totally clean, and is a beautiful look at what loves is in relationships, family, the community, and for people you don't know how to deal with.

Best Music: I was really impressed by this new kid on the block, Kat Dahlia. First off, I love her name, but she has a lot else going for her too. It's one of very few things I've heard recently that struck me as new. If Amy Winehouse and Adele had a baby that rapped, it would be Kat Dahlia. So far, her messages are good and clean. I hope she makes it big.

 

Best Recipe: Jonas and I invented a yummy cocktail, but I was most excited about these Chocolate Blackberry Mille-Feuille (or "blackberry stacks" as I call them), probably my new favorite dessert. SO decadent, but not over the top. They're a breeze to make, too! Oh, and these coconut shrimp in curry sauce (I linked to the pin rather than the blog, because I added my own notes on the pin). AND we visited Zaytoon's in Santa Barbara for the first time - amazing food, and can't beat the atmosphere. I especially loved the walls of blooming jasmine. 

Best book: I still haven't made it through the book I've been reading since February, but I'm trying to use these monthly review posts as accountability/motivation to read real books. I get so excited when I have the chance to watch a movie and it's actually good and then I can report on it, but books take longer (obvs.) I'm not sure I'm even going to have good things to say about my book when I finish. Anyway... all that is my excuse for having struck out on book reading again, this month. I did hear an excerpt from "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bible" which I found very entertaining and clever. 

Best web stuff: Mer, nothing astounding. But I was looking through my costuming pins and am re-loving this gem by Christian Gaillard [image]. 

March Events:

• Our GC (gospel community) at Element put on Cinderella's Closet, an event where we collected a bunch of gently used formal dresses and girls from the community could come pick one out for free, rather than stress about prom costs. It was a success! If you know anyone who'd be interested in participating next year, let me know and I'll hook you up. 
• BEST THING: My brother-in-law Jason and his wife Danielle got approved to adopt their 5-year-old son James from Thailand! I'm so excited to be a thai-food-cooking auntie and that Ishmael will have his first cousin. 
• We went to Santa Barbara with Jon & Michelle for a Heartless Bastards concert, which we thoroughly enjoyed, despite extremely drunk people with no sense of personal space (yeehaw!?). That was also the occasion of our fabulous dinner at Zaytoon's in some of our most favoritest company.
• I'm one of those peeps that gets so wrapped up in the fun stuff surrounding holidays that I struggle to remember their real reasons. I cling to any moments where something beyond presents and food break through to my heart. On our way home from Heartless Bastards at 1 in the morning on Good Friday, driving through empty dark streets, I had this moment of realization of how hopeless the world must have felt on that Saturday between when Jesus died and when he rose again. I imagined my most lonely, depressed day and then then imagined having nothing to hope for. No light at the end of the tunnel, ever. And I was so thankful that our Lord did rise from the dead. And that I wasn't on Earth on that dark, dark night. 
• 1/3 through the year, I have not accomplished any of my resolutions so far (one painting, one class, cooking on our grill), and the school one is especially depressing to me. I don't want to talk about it right now... sad face. 
• I've been losing track of baby names... 

Ishmael's 5th Month:
I'm at that stage where I kind of tear up when I look at him because to me, he couldn't possibly be any cuter. It kind of grosses me out when other moms are like that though, so I keep my adoration on the down-low in public. He got his first cold this month, which totally freaked me out at first (a lot of gagging and gasping for air), but he was such a champ and seemed even more cheerful than usual. He keeps up the cough (now fake), just to hear himself and grin at his accomplishments. He also got his first vaccine (besides one when he was born), and he barely let out a peep! I also have to boast, he's 18 lbs. (90th percentile) and 27 inches (97th percentile!). Slow down, yo! As soon as my avacadoes ripen, he's going to get his first solid food (he's desperately trying to grab everyone else's and watching with puppy eyes when we eat). We've already been letting him taste this and that, and cracking up like kids at the faces he makes. He loves peek-a-boo (and if there isn't a blanket or something handy to hide behind, he'll just put his head down and pop it back up - I melt!), looking in the mirror, being tossed up in the air, and having crazy faces or noises made at him. He continues to be very ticklish. He grabs everything in sight with a ferocious grip, and is a champ at sitting up, though he's still working on the balance at times. He also loves to rock back and forth like crazy when he's sitting and "jump" up and down if you hold him on his feet. 

Thankful for in March: Fred Armisen's voice, NPR, anything with lime in it, really getting a handle on the housework & decorating in our home, and our local farmer's market. 

That's all, folks. Thanks for reading.