Saturday, June 23, 2012

Earning My Stripes

I'm 5 months in, 4 to go! My feelings are mixed... I'm so excited we're having a son in October, but I am not a lady who loves being pregnant. I'm dreading getting even larger and more uncomfortable, as I am already having trouble moving around and it seems like as soon as one troublesome side affect subsides, another emerges. I've noticed in myself that sometimes I get annoyed at circumstances that I don't want to deal with, even though I know full well that they are normal. I think everyone does, but I have this mental block at some point and just get indignant, as if "it just shouldn't be this way" is justification to make things be different. I know being pregnant IS this way for a lot of ladies, but... why? I just want to meet him and be with him all the time OUTSIDE of my womb. We do want to give our little lad a sibling, but I don't think I'd cry if I was never pregnant again beyond that. // I have stretch marks in bizarre places, extremely itchy soles of my feet, and can't open a door with my knee without pulling groin muscles. But, I do love seeing my baby swim around when I get to have an ultrasound and at about 23 weeks, his kicks are strong enough to jolt my computer around on my belly! I think he must be a big baby, because they keep moving my due date up when they see him. All development is perfect so far, and they think he will be on the tall side. :) I am hoping for dark curls, which isn't unlikely given Jonas' and my siblings. He loves his hands, which makes us happy. He flexes each finger, nestles his hands under his chin and waves them all around over his face. We might have a piano player in there. We have picked a name, but are keeping it a secret. I hope he likes it. // People are giving me stuff for him all the time. It's a challenge to find boy clothes I approve of, but it makes me all the more excited when I do find them. I bought a crib at the thrift store and am going to have it painted a dark blue. I also bought some elephant & bell garlands from World Market and want to get a piece of fabric to make a wallpaper-like backdrop for his little corner. I'll be sure to post pictures on Facebook when it's all set up. I' m collecting books for him that I loved when I was a kid. I really hope he loves to read. // I'm kind of nervous about giving birth after reading other people's accounts. I'm really thankful for my doctor though, who I feel comfortable with and is pretty calming in general. I started doing prenatal yoga that his practice offers, and loved it, but haven't been in several months because the instructor hasn't been available. So far, I've been too lazy to take it up on my own. I have gotten back to cooking though, which makes me so happy and lifts my spirits, even though I can't seem to eat leftovers very much in the last few days (?). // A lot of "pregnancy culture" seems very odd to me. I feel bad sometimes that I don't like being pregnant very much. I haven't had much of an urge to prepare myself for being a mom. I think both Jonas & I are like that, in that we prefer to take things as they come rather than read up a ton about about them. I don't know if that's irresponsible or just practical. I'm thankful for moms I look up to that I can ask questions of, though. I find myself seeing a lot of holes in the "pregnancy market". Affordable, fashionable clothes, for one thing. I really do not love maternity clothes. I mainly wear Jonas's clothes, but it just kind of baffles me that almost all pregnancy shirts are empire wasted. I find it so unflattering (at least on me) and frankly uncomfortable, especially in the first trimester, when my esophagus was giving me hell. It's like non-pregnant people design clothes for pregnant people or something. I have gained about 30 pounds, which is astonishing to me. But also hilarious when people consistently tell me how much nicer I am to hug than I used to be. Thanks, baby. Sudden weight gain = stretch marks though, which aren't my favorite at all, but I did like someone's analogy of a tiger earning her stripes. Thank God for comparisons to sexy cats rather than snowmen. // I don't know if I'm really the best person to give pregnancy advice, but one thing I have learned is that it totally helps you FEEL better if you take the effort to try and look nice. I felt so dejected laying in bed the whole first trimester, and then when I started putting on make-up, dressing up as much as I can, and got a haircut, I felt so much better. I also don't worry about what I eat. As long as the doctor's say you and the baby are healthy, I say eat what you want! You've gotta find the perks to being rotund. I guess eating loads of butter is counter-intuitive if you're feeling a little bulky, but it makes me feel better at least. Also, if you crave ice cream like I have been, make sure your husband has his personal supply, or you will find your freezer empty in a moment of need. Ai-ya! For the first time in my life, being active actually feels better and makes a difference in my body and spirit than lounging around. And it only takes a little to tire yourself and get a great night's sleep. // Like I said, I'm not into reading tons of stuff in preparation, but I have enjoyed these blog posts on flying with an infant and teaching your child to eat anything. Off Beat Mama feels about right to me too. :) // I hope my grumblings don't discourage anyone who's thinking of having a kid - it's truly a magical thing. But I hope this may encourage you if you too are secretly plodding through the pregnancy phase. I felt way better when I realized that some woman do not love this part of the process. // Ciao, from a mama tiger. {oops, almost forgot to credit my photos! Found them both on Pinterest. I'm astounded that "pregnancy brain" affects even I, someone obsessed with covering all my bases, all the time. Le sigh.}

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