The Oxford definition of "deconstruct" is: "analyze (a text or a linguistic or conceptual system) by deconstruction, typically in order to expose its hidden internal assumptions and contradictions and subvert its apparent significance or unity." You've probably heard this term by now because a lot of Millennials (and Gen Z?) are finding this name for what we've been doing for the past 15 years in response to the destructive elements of our religious-cultural backgrounds.
Many people who deconstruct from a religious culture no longer adhere to the tenets of that cultural religion or even the religion itself. Deconstruction is not the only reason that people leave church, but through it, I no longer view "walking away from the church" as inherently a) something to be frowned upon or b) equivalent with losing faith in God. As always, different people and different churches believe different things and act on those beliefs differently. I can only speak from my experiences and perceptions.
Most of my beliefs that stem from faith in Christ are now practiced outside of Christian community. Ironically, this is what church has often encouraged in word, but seems to find unnerving in practice. This practice, as a function of my process of deconstruction, has often been scary and lonely, as I know it has been for others. Deconstruction is a continuous exercise in honesty, and it can result in the loss of relationships. Not necessarily in a dramatic sense, but more of a drifting apart because of different ideas that inform lifestyles. Early on, I sensed that my honesty felt dangerous to other people, and that was/is often projected as fear for me. Now, honesty is often a way to find a new community, sometimes among other escapees, and invite those who live in fear to a better way.
I want to escape the fear and shame-based structure I was used to without minimizing its damage. At the same time, I celebrate the freedom and support I'm growing into as a person of faith. This ongoing reframing of my faith motivates me to follow Jesus in a way my old culture never did or could. This shift, in the simplest terms, translates to more love and less fear. More rescue and less condemnation. For now, less tradition and more mysticism.
I'm grateful every time I find an idea or expression that serves as a guide in deconstructing. These usually come in the form of questions that lead me deeper into honesty or the work of people who have experienced the same pains and joys I'm experiencing now. I always resented hearing "culture" disparaged in church because most of what excites me about life comes in the form of human creativity. Christian religiosity does its adherents no favors by drawing such a firm line between the sacred and the profane. So, here are some resources and expressions that have brought me to a deeper, truer, more lovely understanding of God and my relationship to Her.
Silence (2016), directed by Martin Scorsese. Two young Jesuit priests in the 1600s journey to Japan in search of a missionary who they've lost contact with. The cinematography is beautiful and the sound editing (for which it won an Oscar) plays ingeniously with the theme of silence on several levels, including how often Christians struggle with the sense that God is "distant". Then there are several other themes exploring doing God's work vs. professing faith in God's and the gospel's cultural context and implications. I've recommended this movie to a lot of people and I'm not sure everyone loved it as much as I did (it's very long, pace is slow, and it's pretty brutal), but I've watched it several times and have been thinking about it for 5 years now. It plays nicely into one of my deconstructing principles, which is that asking good (hard) questions is at least as important to faith as having answers. I'm fascinated by any mainstream media that engages religion without mocking it (see also the show Ramy). It's currently available on Hulu.
Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again by Rachel Held Evans. Before reading this book, I had been following Evans on Facebook and heard her on several podcasts. Especially on podcasts, I was struck by how she didn't give air time to railing against trolls and toxic Christianity as much as she invited everyone into communion, and that felt like something GOOD. I am always alarmed by the virtue of gentleness. Were it not for my trust in her tone, I probably would never have read her book Inspired because I am extremely wary of Christian literature. However, I'm very glad I did because it aided me with the confidence and encouragement to approach scripture without some of the filters of what I "should" take away from it. She argues that we should be horrified by some things in scripture (just because something happened or was even condoned at the time does not mean it's acceptable today), it should make us question, it is valid that different people take different lessons from the same passages, etc. If that's not revolutionary to you, then I'm happy for you. A lot of deconstruction for me has been learning how (or if) to re-approach things that might have merit but have often been weaponized or that I have negative associations with.
POSE (2018-2021) on FX/Netflix. Apart from being a visual and story-telling treasure, this TV show about LGBTQ+ ballroom culture during the AIDS crisis in 1980s NYC has been both a cultural and spiritual education. God save the Queen Billy Porter. Of course I love the clothes, and I'm forever preening at having witnessed a costume buyer for the show negotiating with a dealer at the Pickwick Garden Vintage show. But mostly Pose gave me a glimpse into a world (or a version of it) that I'd never had, and ultimately helped me not only sympathize but see myself in some of the characters with identities that were previously portrayed to me (whether explicitly or subliminally) as disgusting. I don't have a nicer way of putting that. I experience waves in my deconstruction that are simply sorrow over how I judged or avoided people because of twisted beliefs that I adhered to. One of the things that struck me most about Pose was how the community portrayed - though certainly catty and vicious at times - loved, forgave, and cared for one another unto death. You know what that reminds me of? It's what the church is supposed to look like.
I used to wonder how to reconcile what the Bible seems to say about sexuality (and how it's been taught to me) with wanting to be inclusive. In the end, I was simply released from asking that question at all, nor do I try and answer it for other people. Someone else's sexual preferences don't depend on my understanding or acceptance. My aim is to respect others' identities and to recognize the image of God in everyone. That's very liberating for me, both theologically and practically.
The documentary Disclosure on Netflix is also an astounding, eye-opening resource and education on how to treat Trans people with the dignity they inherently command as human beings. It really does need to be taught since many of us are subliminally, if not overtly, accustomed to dismissing their humanity.
The Bible Project videos explore books and concepts of the Bible in 5-10 jam-packed minutes. In my opinion, they could be interesting to non-Christians because they explore narrative and imagery in a way that is independently compelling. They are also engaging for kids without sacrificing complexity. This style of learning appeals to me because it contextualizes concepts that are often pulled out of scripture and used as soundbites. I especially liked their explanations of apocalyptic literature as a genre, which I explored a bit more in this post.
I've benefitted from Scott Erickson's (@scottthepainter) work. It is full of symbols, which I'm always drawn to. His perspective draws me out of box-thinking, affirms the possibility that God is good and loving, and invites me to engage in wonder and celebrate mystery.
I believe I discovered Scott Erickson through @cultrkpr, aka Jonathan Randall Grant. He's an Anglican artist "exploring aesthetics for the future of a queer, creative and anti-racist faith practice." I find the things he shares in his stories to be jarring in the most compelling ways, and I love that so much of what he shares leads me straight to something I love, but have never heard of before (that's rare when Instagram for artists feels like a closed loop sometimes).
Cindy Wang Brandt and the group she admins on Facebook have been instrumental in guiding my practice of parenting while deconstructing. What do I believe that I want to pass on to my kids? How do I guide my kids in what I believe is right while respecting their autonomy as humans? So much of my experience growing up in Christian culture was spun as my personal choice, but it would have been absolutely unacceptable to *not* choose it. Cindy's group was my introduction to Gentle Parenting, a philosophy I'm trying to embrace and am pretty bad at, but ultimately follows the example of Jesus more than "Christian parenting."
Luxury, the band. They started putting out music in 1995 but I didn't hear them until they were on NPR for their 2019 album release. Their song titles, lyrics, album covers...I wish I could retroactively be a life-long fan. These guys met at a tiny Christian college and originally signed with Tooth & Nail, but most 90s Christians were not prepared for Luxury's content and they never became widely known. The band suffered a terrible car accident and the members moved on to - you'll never guess - become Eastern Orthodox priests!? Then they got back together and kept making punk albums. There's a documentary about them called Parallel Love, which a band member explained this way: "The film is called Parallel Love, [because] you have two different trajectories that run parallel to one another. They're not exactly the story of bringing rock and roll into Orthodoxy. It's people of faith living authentic lives and doing the things that they feel gifted to do." For me, watching their story is like looking back on my own, but cooler. Their catalog as a band and as individuals or offshoot projects is immense (The Shroud, Lee Bozeman, They Sang They Slew, Canary, All Things Bright and Beautiful, Champion Leader, Orient Is His Name), and also old-school in that most of it is only available on bandcamp or on CD.
Ginseng Roots by Craig Thompson is a comic series. Thompson is one of my favorite graphic novelists in general, but this series is about his childhood in a tiny town in Wisconsin that produces the prized ginseng root and remains home to his cultishly-Christian parents. The Chinese connection and how Thompson uses Chinese mythology to mirror Christian concepts are especially intriguing to me, but the overall tone is sadness as he reckons with memories and characters that can't acknowledge the pain they caused. So far I've only read the first 6 issues, but they prompted me to write an almost weepy fan letter which is pretty much always the reaction I have to feeling seen in very specific ways.
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